I am writing to rectify past mistakes. Hate of any kind is hurtful and dangerous, and I want to make things right. When I was nineteen years old, I made a regretful decision and, without proper thought and consideration, posted online that “Israel is not a country.” I now realize that my words were anti-Semitic and that I should never have said them.

I was introduced to Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP) by college friends who are of Palestinian descent. Hearing heart-wrenching stories from them about their family’s displacement deeply affected me. Since my friends and I are passionate about protecting and advancing human rights, we were drawn to SJP and became active members. At that time, I knew very little about the history or the current issues involved, including the State of Israel, Palestinian claims to the land, the Middle East, anti-Semitism, or Islamophobia. At SJP meetings on campus and elsewhere, I was taught from their perspective.

At our school, it was SJP policy, explicitly written in our constitution, to never spread hate or put down anyone else’s perspectives. To my knowledge, the SJP I was a part of did not use threatening or anti-Semitic tactics that I have since learned are used on other campuses. If those tactics had been used and I was aware of them, I truly believe I would have denounced and tried to stop them.

For context, I grew up in a very tolerant and accepting home with a Christian father and a Jewish mother. We did not have a religiously observant home, nor was I raised to identify as Jewish. Thankfully, I have many loving Jewish family members and friends from whom I have learned a great deal over the past months, and I am so grateful for their grace and forgiveness. I have learned much more about Judaism and Jewish history, which now means more to me than just the cultural experiences and holidays we celebrated.

Over the past several months, I have spent a great deal of time reading and learning about the dangers of anti-Semitism. I’ve also had a series of conversations with a family friend who has spent the past decade professionally fighting anti-Semitism in all forms. Anti-Semitism and hatred of Jewish people have existed for thousands of years, taking different forms, including the Blood Libel, the Inquisition, the Pogroms, and the horrors of the Holocaust, as well as everyday exclusion, stereotyping, bullying, and discrimination.

I now understand why it is anti-Semitic to delegitimize the State of Israel. The State of Israel has become a proxy for “the Jews,” and when the history and reasons for the creation of the state are not taken seriously, it is offensive. Even when unintentional, it has powerful negative effects. While I may not agree with all Israeli (or any country’s) policies, I do believe it has a right to exist and to improve. I know that my words crossed the line, and so have the words and actions of certain others who are part of SJP. My words can have severe real-life implications for innocent people, and this was never my intention.

This year, with the Tree of Life shooter’s trial beginning and recent attacks against Jews in Israel, I can’t help but feel sick that I’m featured on your site as an anti-Semite. I have learned a lot since I was 19, and I request and hope that you will consider completely removing my profile and instead, anonymously posting this letter or portions of it online as an Ex-Canary.

At this point in my life, I want to keep learning about the complex history and current state of the Middle East, atone for my mistake, and fight for peace and human rights for all people, including both Palestinians and Jews. I have a good heart and thoughtful intentions, and I know that I can continue improving myself and my knowledge. By clearing my name, I will be reinvigorated and empowered to make things right and be a positive influence on others.

JULIA SHOWICH